NFL Fines

So there have been a lot of fines in the NFL this year. I figured it would be a good time to go over what you can get fined for in the NFL, that way everyone has a better understanding of the rules and regulations of the league.

Bible Verses:
So any bible verse that is visible on your body is a fine. The way the total is determined by the book times the verse and then throw a 0 at the end. So if you are fond of John 3:16 like so many people in the stands are then that is a $480 fine. But it also matters where you have the bible verse. If you use eye black add another zero to the end. If it’s on your helmet add 2 more zeros. If you print out the bible verse on your jersey and have it as your name on the back then you are suspended for the rest of the season.

Why is this such a big deal? Even though 99% of the league is very religious you can’t be holier than the Shield. Also, coaches always want to know if you love football, and if you love Jesus more than that cause a conflict of interest.

Pink Articles of Clothing:
Breast Cancer is a serious, it’s so serious that the NFL devotes a whole 12 days to it. That is enough for the NFL. If you wear any pink articles of clothing outside of those days than you can expect a hefty fine. It’s not even limited to on the field, any player caught giving a press conference or a Make-A-Wish is also fined heavily. Fines are calculated by how many square inches of pink the player is wearing working out to $100 a square inch. 

Why is such a big deal? Once again, breast cancer gets it’s time in the spotlight, but it can’t be in the spotlight too long. It gets a spot on the football for a month, but it can’t be on there any longer. The breast cancer awareness that is being strummed up does a great job of forgetting about the brain damage that is being sustained by the players. But once the calendar turns to November, stop thinking about boobs and start thinking about the playoff push.

Touchdown Celebrations:
Players celebrating touchdowns has always led to fines, but this year it is even worse. Players are getting fined $100 for every step that is involved in their dance. They don’t get flagged for it in the game, but they feel it in their pocket books.

Why is it such a big deal? Because football is a team sport and any sort of individuality is highly frowned upon. Not only that, but not everyone gets a chance to score a touchdown. Think of the linemen and kickers who have to watch all these guys have fun after scoring touchdowns and can’t do dances on their own. The only way to get everyone to enjoy touchdowns equally by giving high fives and giving the football back to the official is by making sure no one celebrates.

Drinking Powerade in the Locker Room
Anyone caught drinking a powerade in the locker room while there are cameras present for the press conferences will be fined $100 for how many ounces the bottle holds.

Why is it important? Powerade is not a corporate sponsor of the NFL so any free advertising done for Powerade is a serious no-no. POwerade didn’t pay millions of dollars to the NFL to quench the thirst of its players. People might get confused if there are two athletic drinks in the shot. They won’t support the one that is NFL endorsed if they don’t know for sure which one it is. People are stupid, so it has to be as clear as possible.

Holding an NFL Game not in a NFL Sanctioned Stadium
The NFL just had it’s 134th game in London. This is a sanctioned game for the NFL but if anyone is caught playing a game somewhere other than an NFL stadium will result in suspension from the league. No team has been caught doing this yet, but it is on the books and can get you in trouble.

Why is it important? The NFL needs to know where its teams are at all times. If it doesn’t than people could be making money and not be giving it to the NFL. Plus, the NFL wants to take credit for holding games in places where NFL games should never be played. They don’t want people to have games in Los Angeles without them knowing. What if a team wants to have their game in Anchorage for one random week? Well, enjoy never being a team again.