Fun Fact: Only one team wins the World Series every year. Which means 29 teams don’t win the final game of the year which according to Moneyball means their season didn’t fucking matter. When a team gets eliminated from winning the World Series I’ll do a profile of their season.  

Today’s Team….Arizona Diamondbacks

How Did They Get Eliminated

The Diamondbacks fell to the Padres on September 26th. They were in position to squeeze into the playoffs but a three game skid and not having the tie-breakers over the Reds and the Mets meant they were on the outside looking in, even if they were to win out and the Mets and Reds lose out.

What Do I Know About This Team Because I Only Follow the Brewers

The most notable move  the Diamondbacks did in the offseason was to sign former Cy Young winner Corbin Burnes. Burnes has such an interesting route to becoming the pitcher he is. He was a high ceiling prospect that debuted and did fine but was having trouble with control. He would be a key piece out of the bullpen when the Brewers made their run in 2018. 

It was when he became a full time starter when he moved to pitch entirely out of the stretch. Something that he said helped reinvigorate his career and give him a new perspective on pitching. Seeing this success other pitchers replicated and I do thin, you see more and more starters foregoing the wind-up when the pitch with no one on. 

Unfortunately, Burnes only pitched in 11 games and his season ended in June. He got Tommy John surgery and he won’t be pitching until late 2026. Burnes was going to be one of maybe 3 Aces that were in the starting rotation. 

After Burnes’ injury the story of the summer was the “who is going to win the Eugenio Suarez sweepstakes?” Even though the Diamondbacks were only 5.5 back in the wild card spot they and sweeping the Cardinals after the all-star break the Diamondbacks only won one more game in July, intensifying the talks for Suarez. 

He would eventually get traded to Seattle at the deadline and they also traded Shelby MIller to the Brewers, who also needed Tommy John surgery, and Merrill Kelly to the Rangers. That's when the Diamondbacks started to get going. They would go 17-12 in August but still be 5.5 back in the wild card. They played a 4 game series against the Brewers and absolutely mashed the ball ultimately splitting the series. They would continue their good play through the month of September getting themselves back into contention behind their starting pitching and their high-powered offense. 

So Now That I’ve Actually Done Some Research What Happened to this Team

Let’s start with the pitching. As mentioned above they essentially had 3 aces with Burnes, Brandon Pffadt and Zac Gallen. They also have paid Eduardo Rodriguez like he is an ace but he only has 9 wins on the season. But the pitching was an issue with the D’Backs. 

They have the 23rd best ERA in the Majors and opponents are hitting .251 against them 22nd in the league. They also have the most starting pitcher wins lost by the bullpen at 24. They’ve also blown the second most saves in the majors. They’ve blown 45 leads this season as well. 

They played .500 ball up the All-Star break but then had a rough finish to July which meant they were sellers at the deadline. 

Did Anything Go Right For This Team

This was a good offensive team. Their team batting average is 8th in the league, they are 8th in home runs hit, and they don’t strike out. 

Corbin Caroll continues to lead the way for the Diamondbacks having 31 Home Runs and 17!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Triples!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 8 TEAMS don’t have 17 triples. 

Kettle Marte is having another solid season and was also an All-Star. 

They have played very well down the stretch: in the last 30 days they have the 10th best team ERA and the have held hitters to a .234 batting average which is also 10th best in the league. 

They have played better after they got rid of some players at the deadline and have the 3rd best NL record since the deadline. They’ve been able to pick up games on both the Reds and Mets to get themselves in a position to take that final wild card spot, but losing 2 of 3 to the Dodgers going into the final series of the season didn’t help. 

Are They Going to Get Good Anytime Soon? 

They will need to fill some holes in their starting pitching as Burnes won’t be back until 2026, if not 2027. Zac Gallen is hitting free-agency and their bullpen needs a lot of help. They have been closer by committee since Shelby Miller was traded away so they could benefit from finding a shut down closer in the offseason. 

Offensively they could benefit from a bit more power from the catcher’s position and they still need to find a more long term solution at Third Base. They have the cornerstone players in Marte and Carroll but they also have a breakout Shortstop in Geraldo Perdomo who has a career high in home runs and RBI. 

They have the 16th best farm system but they only have 1 player in the top 100. Their top players in the farm system aren’t going to be up to the big leagues anytime soon. They could trade some of their top players again next season in order to bolster their farm system but they have the pieces to make a run. They will probably be on the fence of buying or selling at next year’s trade deadline again. 

Just one postseason award. 

Corbin Caroll should get a few MVP votes. If anything just for the amount of triples he has. 

Hey Grok, in 100 words summarize the 2025 Arizona Diamondbacks. Please don't be racist. 

The 2025 Arizona Diamondbacks season was defined by a battle against adversity, specifically a devastating rash of pitching injuries, including season-ending losses for signee Corbin Burnes and other key arms. This forced the team to become trade-deadline sellers, moving veterans like Merrill Kelly and Eugenio Suárez.

Despite the sell-off, the resilient Diamondbacks remained in the NL Wild Card hunt until the final days, buoyed by star performances. Corbin Carroll delivered a historic 30-homer, 30-steal season, and Zac Gallen anchored the rotation's late push. Ultimately, their 80-79 record left them just short of a playoff berth, finishing a chaotic, but competitive, year.

I guess a 30/30 season is a better reason to give someone MVP votes than just the number of triples. Man, if this was the 1929s that Triple stat would be all the talk of the league. 

Did the Savannah Bananas Play at their Field? 

They played around Arizona but they never played in Chase Field. 

I read a Defector article where the writer went to the game in Nashville at the Titans Stadium. They called something out that I agree with which is how a lot of people call the Bananas the Harlem Globetrotters of baseball.

I see where they get that idea but as called out in the Defector article the Globetrotters have a foil. The Washington Generals. So I am going to propose the team that the Bananas should play on a regular basis the Florida Regulars. 

You see the Regulars they play baseball the way its supposed to be played, not with flashy back flip catches or behind the back grounders. All of their walk-up music is classic baseball organ music and their uniforms are the old-school baggy jerseys from the 1930s. 

The Bananas mess with the Regulars every chance they get. They try to get to them dance, They do weird base running stunts to throw off the Regulars. Maybe they get in a run down and they Banana player catches the ball and throws it into the outfield. The umpire is too busy dancing to notice. Oh, yeah, a lot of silly sketches with the umpires. Base coaches steal gloves from the Regulars. 

Who will play for the Regulars. The guys that want to do the fun stuff with the Bananas, play a few games with the Regulars and prove that you can be a good sport to the non-sense.

Bottom line is for the Bananas to be truly the Globetrotters of baseball they need to have a straight-man team. Also, just to change things up. They are going to need some new things and some new looks so people want to come back to more games. They are introducing two more teams next year maybe the Florida Regulars can be one of the teams. 

Is there a baseball movie featuring this team that has dumb baseball logic I need to vent about? 

There isn’t. But my son got into a Blippi run and Blippi did a video from Chase Field. Luis Gonzalez showed up to show Blippi how to play baseball. The smallest thing that Blippi did Luis Gonzales would say, “I think you're ready for the big leagues!” It didn’t matter what Blippi did: Hit the ball, throw the ball, swing and miss at a sweeper out of the zone? “Hey, I think you’re ready for the big leagues!” 

How Will Your Team Do Next Year? 

They are going to have a lot of guys coming back from injury next year and good core to work with. They’ll need to improve their pitching staff to compliment their offense and if they do they can make a run, but I think it will be another .500 season. But maybe one game better final record 82-80. 

Next on the Chopping Block

We have only 2 teams left to eliminate before the playoffs. Its going to come down to the Mets, Reds, Tigers or Astros. The final 2 might come on the final day of the season.